Oxygen Thief

Bored

via email:

im really very, very bored.

i want it to be xmas now. im not doing any work so it may as well be. spent the morning researching mass transit systems in developing countries. again. almost anything i have got to do can comfortably wait until january 2nd.

we have an office xmas party tonight. or should it be called 'bounenkai'...? it will be held in the school. we will receive one bento made by the same old bird that makes the school lunches (which are shit) and one, maybe two cans of drink per head. i will then have to join in some kind of weird japanese communal game which makes no sense and has no point other than enable people who are terrified of normal conversation to avoid having their demented lack of conversational skills cruely exposed. then there will be a boring speech. i will have to clap and look like i love working here despite the fact that they wont even splash out on a moderate japanese restaurant in swiss cottage or karaoke or something as an end of year thankyou i will try and smile, but in reality, life itself will be vomiting its way through my brain nodules and bleaching my soul the same colour as putrefied bile.

i want to photocopy my bum.

or have sex with an ugly 39 year old nimwit in a stationary cupboard.

maybe i'll get really drunk. then as the shacho begins his standardised drawl about how he's so grateful we worked so hard this year (omitting the part about why he's too tight to pay for a proper party or how much he paid himself this year in 'dividends') i might start angrily berating him. then i'll drop my pants and manually fashion a semi of embarrassingly poor quality while i drop a huge curler on the floor. then i'll rub it all over my face as i do the 'double german sex tourist' dance routine. finally i'll burst into hysterical laughter and run off home naked screaming something about iwo-jima.

yes, that'll liven it up