November 21, 2006

Message to London road users

I have a message to the various classes of London road users.

  • Scooters: You are not bicycles. You can't fit through that gap. I can, and you are blocking me. I hope you rot in hell. Oh, and that bus lane is not for you, it's for me.
  • Taxis: I know you want that fare, but the problem is that as you swing across two lanes to get it you will cut me up and make me brake. When I have to brake I get angry. I hope you rot in hell.
  • Van drivers: You see those yellow stripes on he road? You see how they cross each other in a box shape. If the lights turn red and you're still there, then you are a cunt. I hope you rot in hell.
  • Expensive sports cars: What the hell are you doing driving a £100,000 Lamborghini on the A4 in rush hour? If your ultra-wide car blocks my path I won't refrain from clipping your wing mirror out of respect. Your car is softer than the fucking great truck on my right. Thank you for providing me with a crash pad.
  • Cheap sports cars: Even though I've got a fixed gear on my bicycle, you are still not faster than me from a standing start over 10 metres. And don't switch lanes just to rev your paltry engine and achieve a single car's length's advantage, cos you just fuck it up for everyone behind you, over and over again. I hope you rot in hell.
  • Polish coaches: Why don't you know where the Natural History Museum is? It's there on the left. Why are you in the right-most lane when there's 50m to go? WHY ARE YOU DRIVING ME INTO THE GUTTER WITH YOUR SIXTEEN TONNE WHALE?
  • 4x4 drivers: I know you'll rot in hell, and I can't wait until your car costs you an extra 25 quid a day to drive in London and you can't even get a resident's parking permit. Your choice of car assures me you are a selfish cunt, and what's more, you drive like one.
  • Other cyclists: You are not as fast as me. I'm not bragging, it's just a fact. If you were, I wouldn't have overtaken you already. And if you run a red light and gain a momentary advantage, don't act like a scooter and block between the lanes. And by the way, if you run red lights, I hope you rot in hell.
Posted by Oxygenik at November 21, 2006 6:59 PM
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